We are The JC Klatch. Our story begins at our body's birth. To the best of our knowledge, we were born multiple. We remember each other from as far back as any of us can remember. I won't be including our entire story here in this article. I will be discussing the effects erroneously prescribed medication had on us.
When our body age was merely two, our mother claims to have witnessed us colliding in to walls at times, and rarely able to pay attention. The notion that we couldn't pay attention simply doesn't add up, as our mother also describes how we would spend hours upon hours at a time playing with Lego blocks. She also has told us about how she would approach to shut off a TV she was ab
solutely sure we weren't actually watching, as we were busy with toys, only to be shocked to have the entire episode of "Bill Nye The Science Guy" she had just interrupted recapped back to her accurately. What she was witnessing was not a lack of attention. It was, instead, several people in the same body who each have different interests and the ability to co-front, with two or more persons paying attention to entirely unrelated things simultaneously. The colliding with walls, I'm sure was simply due to the fact that we hadn't yet learned to co-operate with our one shared body. Try having two people drive the same car in opposite directions at once, and you'll quickly learn what an air bag looks like.
This lack of attention, along with other supposed "symptoms" such as hyperactivity lead us to being slapped with an overused diagnosis called Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. We definitely do not, and did not, have A.D.H.D, but we were quickly put on medication anyhow. Medication doesn't always work the same on multiples as it does on singlets, and rarely has the intended affect on people who don't have the disease or disorder the medication is for. This was no exception. The medications we were forced to take over the course of our body's childhood and adolescent years included Ritalin, Dexadrine, Welibutrin, Zoloft, and one medication the name of which eludes me.
The side effects of some of those medications included intrusive thoughts, and thoughts of suicide and even thoughts of homicide. Other side effects they had on our system was to almost entirely suppress our ability to switch. One of us in particular was front nearly 100 percent of the time. Only certain members of our system could come and go at all, but with great difficulty. The rest of us rarely saw the light of day.
Being front nearly every moment of every day may sound normal to a singleton. If you are a singlet reading this, you're used to always being out front. For many multiples, if one member is front too much, he or she gets worn out, tired, burnt out. This constant feeling of exhaustion can take a toll on somebody, shortening their fuse, angering and frustrating them. After a while, this one system
member resented there were others in this system.
When we were able to make our way front, no one ever heard us. We tried to tell outsiders we were here, and tell them the medications were hurting us. Our guidance counselors at school had spoken to Rebecca, and Jenn, but never acted or relayed anything to our mother. If any of us used our own names or spoke of others in our system, we were accused of lying. I had been front for several visits to psychiatrists. I, being mute, was always accused of just sitting there and not talking. I communicated, but they only listened for spoken words.
When the body was 18, the medication was finally discontinued. You can't make an adult take medication. The damage, however, was done. We spent the next several years slowly regaining our strength within the system. Slowly but surely we were able to switch somewhat smoothly again.
Fast forward to today. There are still permanent effects left from the medication we never needed. First and foremost, we are missing a member of our system. The medication lead to a member's death. We've been told members within a system can't individually die. That is untrue. We saw this one die and none of their memories were "recovered" when they died. This system member is gone. When we switch, our body twitches horribly, and if we switch too much, it will go into convulsions. Miakoda has an audible tic which tends to sound like a yelp or a shriek. Katelynn sometimes goes in to convulsions that are extremely terrifying for her. Insomnia is something we all frequently cope with. Spacing out plagues most of us at times. Short term and long term memory problems is another effect left from the medication.
Medicating what isn't fully understood is never the answer unless a life really is at stake. I can hardly see how a "lack of attention" would have been life threatening. Our system will never again take any "mind" prescriptions.
Julia Rae Combies
The JC Klatch
© Copyright 2012 Julie Rae Combies (UN: curiouslymute at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Julie Rae Combies has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Things That I Can't Stand
OR
How Not To Treat Members of Multiplicity Systems
It hurts when outsiders tell me I'm just an act. I think, I feel, I dream. I am real, by every sense of the word.
Nothing drives me crazy quite like people insisting one of us becomes another of us. No, I still exist when I'm not front. I'm inside, not dead.
It really angers me when singlets use co-fronting, matching likes, or any other dumb thing as “proof” that we aren't multiple. Yes, Miakoda and I like similar music. Yes, you will hear two voices or a blend of voices if two of us co-front. Yes, Miakoda and Lilly are both allergic to carrots. These things prove nothing. Don't people like similar things to their friends? If two people talk in the same room, I hear both of voices. Don't health concerns run in families?
I hate when outsiders insist on using our legal name despite knowing who's front! I have a name. I like my name. I would appreciate it if people didn't try to force another name on me. I'm fairly certain my headmates feel the same way about their names.
It's infuriating when outsiders ignore me until the one they want to talk to is front. I'm a person too. Talk to me, I won't bite. I promise.
I can't stand being asked “Who's the real one?”. Easy! ALL of us are real.
I hate when singlets or even other multiples cram us in to a little box labeled “D.I.D.”. We're not dissociating, we're not just a bunch of identities, and we function in quite an orderly fashion. We're farther from “Dissociative Identity Disorder” than most singlets I know. How can our mere existence as a group be a “disorder”? I have nothing against D.I.D. systems. I just don't like labels that don't belong to us being applied to us.
It drives me up a wall when outsiders, including other multiples, insist our abuse is where we came from. We're in here, and have been in here the whole time we've been in here! We're the best to know where we came from. It's as if we aren't valid if we existed first and were abused later. The abuse scarred us, but it certainly didn't make our system. It also implies that a person is their abuse.
Sorry to dis
appoint, but I was born here when the body was born.
I can't stand being called an “alter”, a “personality”, or a “part”. I'm a person. I'm not somebody's “alternate personality”, and I am definitely not a “part” of somebody. I am a somebody entirely of my own. I am a person.
The fastest way to enrage any one of us is to throw that god awful word “fragment” at any of us!
In our system, these words are about as bad as any other slur. They're used by “normals” and therapists to convince the people in a multiple system that they are not people, just symptoms, so they won't object to being killed off in a process called “integration”.
The absolute worst excuse is the phrase, “But I need a way to differentiate you from real people”.
I am tired of “When will you go to a therapist?” and “Will you be integrating soon?”.
First off, if any of us did seek a therapist, it wouldn't be for being multiple and it wouldn't be any outsiders' business. Second, no, we have no intention of killing off all but one of us. Asking a question like that really just says “I can't stand that there are many of you. Fix it.”. That doesn't make any of us feel good at all.
I can't stand singlets pitying me. “It must be so hard not knowing what's going on” or “It must be frustrating fighting for time outside” are some of the most degrading things frequently said to me and mine. Being one of many in a single body is all I've ever know. I've never been a singlet. Quite honestly, I can't imagine what it's like to have to be front 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without one second of a break. I can only guess it might be nice to dye your hair if you wish, but I can tell you it's a life saver to step away from a toothache for a while when waiting to get to the dentist. It's also an amazing experience to take my loved one out of that same toothache and give her a break.
I hate when singlets assume my change in mood is a switch. No, if you just ticked me off and I got mad at you, I'm mad at you. That's just how life works. Make somebody mad, they're mad. Singlet or multiple, everyone has hot buttons and breaking points.
It drives m
e up a wall when people insult my headmates to me.
My headmates are my family. Don't trash talk my family!
So if I hate all these things, what is it I do like?
I love it when somebody takes the time to ask me my name when meeting me the first time, especially if they had just initially met someone else in my system. This is the best first step in getting me to like you! If you don't recognize when I'm front, no biggie. You can ask.
I love it when a friend not only misses me, but asks if I can come front. This really shows that I am worth something to somebody as an individual.
I love it when singlets ask when they don't know or understand something.
It really makes my day when somebody wants to talk to me and leaves a message with whomever was front at the time. If I can't come front for one reason or another, I can still get back to you later on. I'm a person, if I'm not here, I'll return later.
It really brightens my day when somebody actually remembers something about me instead of only remembering my group.
Phew. Glad to get all that off my chest.
All I want from outsiders is to be treated like a person and valued as one. Why? Because I am a person.
Luna Diana Combies
of
The JC Klatch
© Copyright 2012 Luna Diana Combies (UN: waxinglunacy at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Luna Diana Combies has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
One Brain Two Selves
DOI: 10.1016/j.neuroimage.2003.08.021
Abstract:
Having a sense of self is
an explicit and high-level functional specialization of the human brain.
The anatomical localization of self-awareness and the brain mechanisms
involved in consciousness were investigated by functional neuroimaging
different emotional mental states of core consciousness in patients with
Multiple Personality Disorder (i.e., Dissociative Identity Disorder
(DID)). We demonstrate specific changes in localized brain activity
consistent with their ability to generate at least two distinct mental
states of self-awareness, each with its own access to autobiographical
trauma-related memory. Our findings reveal the existence of different
regional cerebral blood flow patterns for different senses of self. We
present evidence for the medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC) and the
posterior associative cortices to have an integral role in conscious
experience.
Citation:
One brain, two selves.
Reinders AA - Neuroimage - 01-DEC-2003; 20(4): 2119-25
MEDLINE® is the source for the citation and abstract of this record
NLM Citation ID:
14683715 (PubMed ID)
Full Source Title:
NeuroImage
Publication Type:
Clinical Trial; Journal Article; Research Support, Non-U.S. Gov't
Language:
English
Author Affiliation:
Department of Biological Psychiatry, Groningen University Hospital, The Netherlands. a.a.t.s.reinders@med.rug.nl
Authors:
Reinders AA; Nijenhuis ER; Paans AM; Korf J; Willemsen AT; den Boer JA
A New Model of Dissociative Identity Disorder
IMPLICATIONS OF THE PRESENT STUDY FOR THE SOCIOCOGNITIVE MODEL OF DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER
For the last decade, proponents of the sociocognitive model
[76], [77], [78], [79], [80], [81], [82] have argued that DID is caused by social influence:
DID
is a socially constructed condition that results from inadvertent
therapist cueing (eg, suggestive questioning regarding the existence of
possible alters), media influences (eg, film and television portrayals
of DID), and broader sociocultural expectations regarding the presumed
clinical features of DID. For example, proponents of the sociocognitive
model believe that the release of the book and film Sybil in the 1970s played a substantial role in shaping conceptions of DID in the minds of the general public and psychotherapists [77].
The
sociocognitive model of DID is necessarily wed to the DSM-IV's model of
classic DID. Why? Because the general culture's model of DID is classic
DID. Classic DID is clearly reflected in Sybil. Classic DID has
also been reflected in countless portrayals of DID in contemporary films
and television programs. In short, the DSM-IV's essential phenomena of
classic DID (ie, multiple personalities + switching + amnesia) are very
familiar to the general culture.
Although not intended as
such, the
present findings refute the sociocognitive model of DID
because 15 of the 23 subjective dissociative symptoms that were measured
(the criterion A symptoms except for trance and the criterion B
symptoms except for self-alteration; see
Box 1)
are invisible (ie, completely experiential), unknown to the media,
unknown to the general public, and largely unknown to the mental health
field. Nevertheless, these 15 subjective dissociative symptoms occurred
in 83% to 95% of persons who had DID (
Table 2).
The pervasive presence of these symptoms cannot be explained (away) by
the sociocognitive model's “usual suspects”—therapist cueing, media
influences, and sociocultural expectations regarding the clinical
features of DID. There can be no therapist cueing, media influences, or
sociocultural expectations about dissociative symptoms that are
invisible, unknown to the media, unknown to the culture, and largely
unknown to the mental health field.
The sociocognitive model
explains and predicts the classic signs of DID, but the sociocognitive
model neither predicts nor can explain (1) most of the empirical
literature's well-replicated dissociative symptoms of DID (
Table 1), (2) most of the subjective/phenomenological dissociative symptoms of DID (
Box 1),
or (3) most of the findings of the present study. In contrast, the
subjective/phenomenological model of DID predicts and explains all of
the symptoms of classic DID, all 13 of the well-replicated empirical
findings about DID (
Table 1), all 23 of the subjective/phenomenological dissociative symptoms in
Box 1, and all 23 of the dissociative findings of the present study (
Table 2).
On
the grounds of greater verisimilitude—most importantly, its ability to
predict a large number of dissociative phenomena that cannot be
predicted by either the DSM-IV model of DID or the sociocognitive model
of DID—the subjective/phenomenological model of DID should be considered
superior, and the sociocognitive model of DID must be judged to be
refuted.
LIMITATIONS
The
strength of the present study is limited by two aspects of its
methodology. First, the study is primarily based on a
clinically-diagnosed sample of DID cases (rather than a sample of DID
cases that were diagnosed with a structured interview such as the
SCID-D-R).
Fig. 1,
however, demonstrates that there is a remarkable resemblance between
the 220 patients who had DID who were clinically diagnosed and the 41
who were diagnosed by the SCID-D-R. Still, the SCID-D-R was administered
in a clinical setting by therapists who were not blind to the patients'
presenting symptoms, and was not subject to reliability checks across
raters. Second, the present study did not employ SCID-D-R-diagnosed
comparison groups (eg, general psychiatric patients, nonclinical adults,
patients who had other dissociative disorders). Gast and colleagues
[70],
however, did use SCID-D-R-diagnosed comparison groups in their
investigation of the diagnostic efficiency of the German MID. Their
results replicated those of the present study. In a sample comprised of
patients who had DID, patients who had DDNOS-1, general psychiatric
patients, and nonclinical adults, Gast and colleagues reported that the
dissociative symptoms in
Box 1
(as assessed by the G-MID) had a positive predictive power of 0.93, a
negative predictive power of 0.84, and an overall predictive power of
0.89 for major dissociative disorder (DID or DDNOS-1).